Day 18 (Week 2, Wednesday) and Day 19

MJ informed me that I forgot to mention that while I was eating my mushroom asparagus risotto, he and his friend Michael Vick were eating 12 inch subs from one of my favorite (not healthy) sandwich places.  I tried to block this incident from my memory.  Like the plate full of fresh chocolate chip cookies.  I'm trying to be strong-willed against bad foods.  So far, so good.

DAY 18 - WEEK 2, WEDNESDAY

Breakfast: Breakfast Burrito (1 whole wheat tortilla with 4 scrambled egg whites, 1/2 oz cheddar cheese, 1/2 red and 1/2 green pepper); 6 oz fresh squeezed orange juice
This is one of my favorite breakfasts, especially since all my veggies were already cut up in my "Wednesday" bag.  But I can't possibly eat 4 egg whites in one sitting, so I cut it down to 2.  Today my wrap totally fell apart but still tasted very good.  I'd probably replace some of the peppers with onions next time.  And what's a "burrito" without some avocado?  I make a mental note to switch this up next time.
There is no way I'm squeezing my own orange juice.  The effort to results ratio is totally not in my favor.  Instead, I bought a small single-size container of all-natural orange juice.  I drank my 6 ounces (aka 3 gulps).  I'm not sure what to do with the rest of the carton.  Glad I didn't buy a full-sized one!


When I got to work, I made the necessary decision anyone facing 6 hours of meetings would do to survive: purchased coffee.  I got the smallest size and used skim milk and splenda.  I don't think the Clean Eating editors sanction the use of splenda, but I thought they would prefer the healthier "sugar" even if it was a substitute.  I wish the coffee shop had that flavored fat-free half and half so I wouldn't have needed any sugar at all.


Snack 1: Chocolate Smoothie (1 cup low fat milk, 1/4 cup chocolate protein powder, 1/2 cup frozen strawberries, 5 ice cubes); 1 handful of unsalted almonds
I look ahead at breakfast and see that there is no possible way on earth to make a smoothie at work in a blender!!!  I don't know how this could possibly be appropriate, so I improvise.  MJ makes me a "chocolate milk" for breakfast using some milk and chocolate protein powder.  It was very good.  I sure do miss chocolate milk.  I packed a container with plain yogurt and 5 frozen strawberries for work, but it tasted bad by the time I ate it at work (yes, I kept it in the fridge the whole time, Mom) so I threw it out.  Yuck.


I did eat the unsalted almonds.  And by unsalted almonds I mean 12 cocoa almonds.  Actually 11.  I let my friend Charlotte try one.  She's the one on the 1034 calorie diet.  I hope that one almond didn't push her over her measly calorie limit.  Charlotte informed me that because she lost two pounds, she is now only allowed to eat 1008 calories.  This cannot be a healthy diet.  I need to start carrying sugary snacks to revive Charlotte when she passes out from malnourishment.


Lunch: French Tuna Salad (green beans, 1 hard boiled egg, sliced radishes, tuna, red onion, red pepper, red leaf lettuce and 1 yukon potato)
This lunch may take the crown for most awkward meal ever.  It was so bad that someone even said to me "what the heck are you eating?!" 
Sigh.
First of all, this salad to forever to prep.  I had to hard boil eggs (BIG shout out to Michael Vick for this guidance on boiling eggs.  Now can you teach MJ how to peel them?!)  I also had to boil a potato.  The cookbook says it would be ready in 15 minutes and it wasn't close.  I let it cook for 25 and the middle was definitely still hard.  I also had to steam the green beans.  Then I had to cut slice and measure everything else.  Huge time commitment.
Second, the dressing had 1239081 ingredient.  It served 4 and only had 1/4 tsp of some ingredients which is a huge pain in my butt.  Essentially the dressing was red wine vinegar and dijon mustard. 
Third, the salad was ridiculous.  It didn't taste good and I only really ate the egg and the tuna.  Huge disappointment.  I ate my cashews early.


Snack 2: 1/2 grapefruit, 15 unsalted raw cashews
Okay I know you're not going to believe me, but I actually brought the grapefruit to work, already cut in half, and brought a spoon.  But I never ate it. I guess I have some mental block.  It's back in my fridge.  I'll probably throw it out soon.


Instead, when I got home I ate some whole wheat bread with almond butter.  When MJ got home, he ate finished the entire container of almond butter.  There go my snacks for the next few days!


Dinner: Boring Chicken, Boring sweet potato, Boring broccoli.
Boring, boring, boring.  Plain, plain, plain.
I purposely picked to eat Wednesday's meal today because I knew I was meeting my friends from high school out for dinner and didn't mind replacing this boring, plain meal.
Instead, we went out for Mexican.  Shocking, right?  I got to the restaurant first - mainly because I like getting to places early, but also because I wanted to really check out the menu and see what non-fried options I had.  While I was waiting, I also googled the calorie contents of Mexican drinks - Margaritas, Sangria, and Beer.  They are all bad.  I drank water.
I ended up ordering a grilled chicken fajita and only eating one of the little tortillas that came with it.  I ate the rest of the grilled chicken and veggies "a la carte," if you will. Oh yea, I ate about 10 chips with salsa.  But I let my friends finish the rest.  No one notice that I wasn't eating the chips or drinking.  Score one for me!


After dinner some co-workers were meeting up for drinks, so I met them for my standard vodka gimlet.  A few other women there were mentioning that they too were trying to watch their weight - one ordered water (cue pregnancy comments) and the other ordered vodka with diet coke.  I told her how fabulous vodka gimlets were and I think she's hooked now.  

DAY 19

Today was another day of leftovers!  My friend invited me over for breakfast.  I call her my Fairy Blog Mother because she told me to start "tweeting" when I made new posts so my "loyal fans" could follow.  I feel like a caveman trying to use twitter.  It's not as easy as Geico.


For breakfast, my fairy blog mother served 1 egg on a toasted whole wheat English muffin with some low-fat cheddar cheese.  It was delicious and I hope to convince her to cook for me more often!   I also had a cup of coffee because she had brewed some Dunkin' Donuts Hazlenut coffee and I couldn't resist the smell of it.  Two coffees in two days?  What's happened to me?!  This time, I only used 1% milk and no sugar (or splenda).  
We headed off to work and I went to a class during gym again.  For lunch I had a veggie burger with low-fat mozzarella cheese, 1/2 avocado and 2 slices red leaf lettuce on whole wheat bread.  So good!  I think veggie burgers are my new favorites.  I bought the morning star kind.  I'll have to check the box and make sure to buy the same kind each time at the store.


For dinner I ate the left over risotto with 3 ounces of shrimp.  It was just the right portion size and was a pretty good combo.  


My snacks today weren't at any particular time, so I saved them for the end.  I ate:
• a handful of cocoa almonds
• 1 low-fat cheese stick
• 2 almond butter cookies.


I know, I know.  What is wrong with me?  I'm not supposed to be eating those! But I went to the gym and I feel justified.  I also really didn't eat that many calories today.  But I'm sure I had more than Charlotte did.  Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, Charlotte.  

Week 2, Saturday (Day 13)

Breakfast: 1/2  cup 5-minute uncooked oats mixed with 3/4 cup 1% cottage cheese and 1/2 cup sliced strawberries
Just when the oatmeal starts to bubble over in the microwave, I realize the meal plan says UNCOOKED.  What? You want me to eat uncooked oatmeal?  Will I get salmonella?  Then you want me to mix the uncooked oatmeal with a cheese clumpy mixture?  No thank you.  Plus, I've already cooked my oatmeal and cleaned the microwave and now I'm late.  And I'm tired.  100 calorie starbucks drink?  That sounds way better than cottage cheese.  Maybe next time.


Snack 1: 1 handful unsalted almonds, 1 grapefruit
I literally brought a grapefruit in a bag with me to a meeting I had today.  How the heck do you eat a grapefruit?  I really should have bought the pre-cut kind from the grocery store, even though it was more expensive.  I google "how do you eat a grapefruit?"  They suggest using a knife and a spoon.  Shoot.  I don't have either of those, so I eat my strawberries from breakfast and the almonds.  Except I really brought the cocoa almonds instead of the plain almonds.  Raise your hand if you're surprised.  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?  That's what I thought.


Lunch: Citrus Protein Salad (2 cups romaine lettuce, 1 hardboiled egg whites, 1/2 cup chickpeas, 2 tablespoons unsalted sunflower seeds, 1 clementines with 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar, 1 tsp dijon mustard, 1/2 tsp olive oil); 1 pear
Only upon typing up this blog entry did I realize I was supposed to eat a pear today.  Whoops.  When I went to throw together this salad, approximately 3 minutes before I had to leave, I saw that it called for hardboiled eggs.  Whoops again.  When was I supposed to make those?  How about a little heads up here, editors?  I'm already 0/3 on getting the meals right today.  The rest of the salad is mediocre.  There was too much dressing.  The sunflower seeds and the chickpeas were the only parts I liked.  Salad fail.


Snack 2: 2 low-fat string cheeses, 10 red grapes
Super easy snack for a day on the go, but mark me down as 0/4 today because I never packed the red grapes.  All 10 of them stayed sitting in my fridge (with seeds).  How did I manage to skip all my fruit today?  Maybe I'll be able to open this grapefruit....  Does anyone have a knife?


Dinner: Roasted Eggplant & Kale Penne with Pine Nuts and Feta; 4 oz grilled chicken
Alright, meal plan.  You're telling me to make this fancy meal and there's no corresponding recipe.  What gives?  I do some grunt work and figure out that this meal is really on page 88 of the cookbook.  Thanks for the help, guys.  Perhaps you should consider having an editor edit your work?  I'd be happy to do so for you, for a small fee.  Also, this meal serves 6.  Again, there are two of us.  I cut the pasta serving in half and leave all the remaining ingredients as they are so MJ will have leftovers for lunch tomorrow.  The recipe calls for 1 bunch kale.  But how much is a bunch?  At the grocery story they are sold in individual stalks.  How many stalks make a bunch?  I guesstimate and pick 3 big stalks.  Once again, I wish the editors gave some portion guidance.
Besides the standard editing glitch, dinner was one of my favorites so far, which is ironic because my family has a distinct negative opinion about kale generally.  My only complaint was that I had to be doing 300 things at once to make sure everything was ready for dinner on time:
(1) roast the pine nuts (don't let them burn)
(2) bake the eggplant, stirring halfway
(3) cook the pasta
(4) sauté the kale
(5) grill the chicken
No one particular task was difficult, but together I felt like I was Speedy Gonzalez (with my assistant Slowpoke MJ Rodriguez).

We put the chicken on the George Forman and that came out pretty cruddy.  Luckily the pasta salad really didn't need any additions.  Without the chicken, this meal is only 215 calories.  But that's for a 2 ounce serving.  Hmm.  I whip out my new fancy-shmancy food scale and weigh my second helping of dinner.  3.25 ounces.  @#%&! I guess I had more like a 500+ calorie dinner.  Considering how many things I accidentally skipped today, I think my bonus calories are okay.  Better than eating a bonus 500 calorie cookie.  Or candy bar.  Or ice cream sundae.  Ahh I have to stop myself before I eat my foot. 

Week 2, Friday (Day 12)

I'm back on schedule to follow the meal plan after a few days of going solo and making up my own snacks and meals.  I can't say that I'm excited, but I can say that eating what the editors tell me to eat rather than what I would choose to eat certainly makes for funnier blog posts.

Breakfast: 3 egg whites and 1 whole egg scrambled, 1 cup sauteed baby spinach, 1 tablespoon mozzarella cheese on half of a whole wheat English muffin; 1 cup low fat milk

Yayyyy I get to drink something other than water for breakfast!!! Did I mention that it's been 12 days since I've had coffee?  Milk is a nice change of pace.  My breakfast is big and very filling, although I wonder what I'm supposed to do with the lonely top half to my English muffin.  It's like a salt shaker without it's pepper.  Very, very sad.  

Snack 1: Half a sliced cucumber, half a sliced red bell pepper; handful unsalted almonds

Breakfast was honestly so filling that I didn't eat my morning snack until after 1pm.  During my lunch break at work, I went to a class at the gym and ran some errands, including a quick trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond to purchase my fabulous new food scale.  Totally worth skipping lunch to buy it.  I'm tempted to try it out on my desk but decide that would be in poor taste and my boss would definitely not approve.  I'm also curious how much the stack of things I need to do work for weighs.  Probably more than the number of ounces of fruit I'm allowed to eat.  How is that fair?

By the time I get to the snack I find it overwhelming.  What size cucumber did they have in mind when they suggested I eat half of one?  I mean bell peppers typically conform in size and shape, but is there an average sized cucumber?  Size apparently does not matter to these editors.  I think I have about 12 slices of cucumber, which is half of the cucumber I purchased.  The scientist in me is upset with the lack of standards in the serving size.  The fat kid in me wished I picked a bigger cucumber.

Also, I've been so hooked on cocoa almonds since Jason and Bethany introduced me to them that I replaced my lameo/boring/plain almonds with fabulous/delicious/cooler cocoa almonds.  Upgrade city.  Minus the fact that chocolate does not really go well with cucumbers.

Lunch: 4 oz low sodium turkey, 1 lettuce leaf, 1 tomato slice, 1 slice avocado on 2 slices of quinoa bread; ¾ Low fat greek yogurt with 1 cup frozen strawberries (thawed)

Okay what the hell is quinoa bread?  And why is this the third type of bread that you've required me to buy within an 8 day span?  What happened to the pumpernickel rye you made me by last week, you bully?!  I rebel against the purchasing of quinoa bread for two main reasons: 

(1) my grocery store does not sell quinoa bread.  

(2) I still have 2 loaves of bread (whole wheat and pumpernickel rye) left over from last week.

So, in an effort to save money, I did not purchase the nonexistent quinoa bread and instead used pumpernickel rye.  I refuse to be bullied by these meany editors.

My sandwich is great even though I probably took more than one "slice" of avocado because I'm confused about how one would even slice an avocado.  Plus I really like avocado so I'm going to err on the side of inclusion and use a big "slice."  

I wait a while before eating the greek yogurt and strawberries because when I first took a bite the strawberries were still frozen and tasted horrible.  Once I let them thaw out a bit, the yogurt tasted more like a strawberry yogurt should.  I think this whole problem could have been avoided had I been allowed to use fresh strawberries instead of the frozen ones. What gives? 

Snack 2: 1 cup cherry tomatos, ½ cup chickpeas

I ate this snack right before dinner.  Because it was right before dinner, I only had the chickpeas.  I like chickpeas.  That's why I named my blog after them. 

Ok that's a lie.  I named my blog after them because they rhyme with cottage cheese.  You caught me.

Dinner: Chicken and Summer Vegetable Cacciatore with Polenta

Hmmm where do I begin??  First of all, it took 30 minutes in the store and some time on google to figure out what polenta was and whether the store carried it.  Apparently, polenta is yellow corn meal.  Thanks for explaining that one, editors.  I find the yellow corn meal and finish up my shopping.  I guess I should have known right away this meal was destined for disaster because it is called "summer" vegetables and, being that it is January, it's winter.  The meal says that it serves 6 people.  Awesome.  Thirding everything will be super easy.  Oh wait.  You say I can only make 2 4-ounce pieces of chicken?  8 ounces of chicken is supposed to serve 6 people?  8 is not divisible by three.  I go ahead and make all the chicken because MJ eats triple what I eat and the estimated calories for the entire meal for one serving is only 110.  I decide I can splurge and have more chicken since that won't even put me at a 200 calorie meal.  Making the meal was pretty easy, but definitely was lacking in taste.  I mean I really like squash, zucchini, peppers and tomatoes, but this meal really tasted like nothing.

And the polenta?  It looks vomit.  Yellow, mealy vomit.  It tastes like bland, mushy corn.  MJ is a trooper and eats up his three servings.  We make the executive decision to dispose of the leftover polenta.  This meal is going on the "never make again" list.  

Being that it was Friday night, we met some friends out at the bar.  I politely declined their invitations to try their fried calamari and mac-n-cheese.  But boy did they look good.  No beer for me either.  Can you guess what I ordered?  If you guessed vodka gimlet, you win!  The prize?  Knowing that you are a true fan of my blog.  Go ahead and order on next time you go out.  I bet you'll be hooked.

Week 1, Thursday (Day 4)

Day 4!  I've survived 3 days of starvation and ready to plunder forwards in my meal plan adventure.  I've really decided to make this meal plan a choose your own adventure type book (a personal favorite from when I was a kid).    Since it's not a diet, I feel like I'm entitled to some personal leeway here.  It's not technically cheating because the editors have suggested certain foods for the week, and all my foods are coming from this plan.

Breakfast:  1 cup cubed cantaloupe, 3/4 cup 1% cottage cheese, 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon, 1 cup Kashi granola 

Alright today I'm going to do it.  I'm going to eat cottage cheese.  I've named my frickin blog after the food, I should at least try it, right?  I went ahead and bought the single serving size cottage cheese that comes with fruit on the side.  I've selected blueberries because they are a personal favorite yet are completely lacking from this week's meal plan.  Fingers crossed they show up next week.  

I open the package and try to resist the urge to vomit.  I quickly take 6 bites of cantaloupe.  
*****Shout out to my awesome boyfriend who conquered the cantaloupe dissection for me this morning, like a knight slaying a dragon for his princess. ****

Ok back to the curdled milk in front of me.  Am I really going to eat this?  I'm a brave 20-something, I'm better than this.  

First bite.  

Omg I like cottage cheese.  No, like is a strong word.  I don't mind cottage cheese.  It actually tastes like cheese.  Who woulda thunk?  But why, producers of the cottage cheese and fruit package, do you think cheese goes with blueberries?  What an awful combination.  Sounds like something a pregnant woman would request, and that is certainly not me.  No sir.  

Despite the fact that I don't mind the cottage cheese, it's still a weird sensation to eat this clumpy cheese product, so I only get through half.  No cinnamon.  What is that supposed to go on?  Cinnamon and cheese sounds much, much worse than blueberries and cheese.  What is wrong with you people?

Oh and that Kashi granola?  Forgot to buy it.  Maybe that will be on my 6th shopping trip.  

Snack 1: 1 low-fat string cheese, 1 orange (clementine), 1 oz tuna (borrowed from Friday)

Hooray for a snack that doesn't make me self-conscious when I eat it at work!  Well, except for the tuna, which I left out.  How can you bring 1 oz of tuna to work anyway?  The smell is not worth the effort or the lack of substance from 1 bite of tuna.  Minus the tuna, kudos to you Clean Eating editors!

Lunch: Curried Carrot Soup; 1 handful of unsalted almonds

WHAT?  You have GOT to be kidding me?  Now you want me to make SOUP?  On a Thursday?  I refuse.  Who has time for that?  Fooled me once, shame on you, fooled me twice shame on me.  Not this time, editors, today I will eat your left over Caponata Sandwich since you had me make too much yesterday.  HA!  Take that!

The sandwich was good.  

Snack 2: 1 cup edamame, 1 kiwi

A full cup of edamame is a TON of food.  Really puts Monday's almond bag to shame.  My bag of edamame is like a very, very well-endowed man, and my almonds are like a toddler.  You get the picture.  And you can imagine how cocky I am with my bag of edamame, since size does matter.  It literally takes me over and hour to eat this edamame at work.  Good thing my boss never walked by (he'd probably be jealous at the size of my edamame).  

Kiwi?  Nope.  That's on the "I never finished the grocery shopping" list.  Replacement?  1/2 avocado.  Because my produce is going bad!!  I sent the other half of the avocado with my boyfriend to work.  Along with a bag of red peppers, an apple, a banana, a clementine, and tomato wedges.  Yes, I am jealous that he gets more snacks in one day than I get for the week.  

Dinner: Shrimp with Zucchini and Couscous; Egg Custard with Fresh Peaches (Friday's dinner)

TRICKED YOU!  We really went out to eat.  Let's be honest - no one stays home for dinner for 28 days in a row.  The reality of this meal plan is that I need to be able to live a normal life.  Tonight it was necessary to go out to dinner, so we did.  But we were still good.  Here's what I really ate:

Dinner for Real: Applebees' 550 Calorie Teriyaki Shrimp Pasta

Applebees has this fabulous new menu of all 550 calorie (or less) items.  I insisted this be the restaurant we went to because I knew I could still have a low-cal dinner.  I  selected the Teriyaki Shrimp Pasta and my boyfriend went with the Grilled Dijon Chicken and Portabellos.

Applebees' 550 Calorie Menu

I liked the shrimp dish, but I wish the veggies were cooked.  My boyfriend said his chicken dish was also good.  I also "splurged" and got an Applebees Skinny Bee Margarita - only 100 Calories!  It really tastes the same as my ever-loved "fat" margarita, and I didn't feel bad drinking it either!

So today I learned that I can eat cottage cheese and I can eat out - and drink out - and still eat well.  I hope that I can find more restaurants that also have skinny options.  And I hope that I don't gag next time I see cottage cheese.

Week 1, Monday (Day 1)

I wake up, excited for my new plan and ready to try out these meals.  Each day gives you foods to eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner and two snacks.  Here we go.

Breakfast: Peach Yogurt Smoothie, 4 egg whites, 1 whole-wheat English muffin.

I've never been a smoothie fan, and today was no exception.  I tried to drink half of my smoothie, quit, and elected to go for a Starbucks Vanilla Frappachino instead.  Great, I'm already cheating on my meal plan and it's not even 9am. The egg whites and english muffins are more successful, except I can't possibly finish all my eggs and probably only eat 2 of them.  

My boyfriend gladly finishes my smoothie and eggs.  

I pack up the rest of my day's snacks and head to work.

Snack 1: 1 apple with 1 handful of unsalted almonds, 1/2 cup low-fat Greek Yogurt.

Hard to really go wrong here.  I noisily munch on my apple and hope to not disturb those around me.  I'm pretty shy when it's time for the almonds: I pull out my bag of a measly 12 almonds and hope no one notices.  I almost cry when the girl in the cube next to me takes out a package of almonds that has at least 50 in the bag.  I feel like I'm on candid camera.  I open up my greek yogurt and it's gross.  I cheat and add my afternoon snack (clementine) to the yogurt to mask the taste.  A friend stops by and asks for some clementine.  I kindly oblige, but secretly curse him for eating one of my limited food items for the day.

Lunch: Roasted Red Pepper and Cucumber Tea Sandwich on Pumpernickel Rye, 1 celery stalk, 1 Tbsp natural peanut butter.

I'm embarrassed to eat my sandwich and wait till all my co-workers are away so no one sees me eating an open-face sandwich with cucumbers, roasted red peppers, and spreadable cheese.  I hate celery so I forego that "snack".  Do people really think celery tastes good?  Also, this meal plan was clearly not written for a working woman.  How am I supposed to commute with 1 tablespoon of peanut butter??  Since I don't have any celery as a vehicle for eating the peanut butter, I postpone the peanut butter for my afternoon snack.

Snack 2: 1/2 cup 1% cottage cheese, 1 sliced nectarine, 8 whole-wheat crackers

Ew.  I will not eat cottage cheese.  Since I already ate my clementine, I decide to coat my whole wheat crackers with peanut butter and call that my snack.  I know right away that I probably didn't buy the crackers intended by the meal plan because they actually taste good - kind of like shortbread cookies.  I'll have to remember to buy some yuckier tasting ones that the cookbook authors would approve.

Dinner: 4 oz baked chicken breast, 1 cup steamed cauliflower, 1 medium sweet potato with 1 tbsp whole-grain mustard.

Despite the small quantity of chicken, I was actually pretty happy with this meal. I seasoned the chicken with some of my favorite spices, and used the mustard on everything.  I was only a little sad when my boyfriend had three times as much chicken as I did.  

I'd call this day a success.  The meal plan says I only had 1549 calories, and that was assuming I ate all their yucky cottage cheese.  All I want is a chocolate chip cookie.